Holden Christopher

Brandon and I spent some time today thinking what our life would've been like if Holden could have stayed with us. He would've been 18 months old today. Here were some of our thoughts...We imagine that he would've been a wonderful big brother to Carter...He would be into everything and we wouldn't need to baby proof our house for Carter. Holden would've beat him to it...We would need a bigger vehicle...We'd get even less sleep than we do now...Our life would be hectic, crazy, messy, and wonderful!

I have to believe that in God's big plan both Holden and Carter came into our lives for very important reasons. Holden taught us how to love so deeply, grieve and then pick ourselves back up, and how to be parents in an instant. He prepared us for the wonderful world of Carter, and we are forever blessed that he spent his 90 minutes on this Earth as our little boy. Carter has taught us that we cannot prepare and plan for everything, that sometimes the best things are surprises, and that good things come along just when they are needed the most.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't at least once question, "Dear God, Why us?" after Holden's death, but I now can tell you that I think I am beginning to understand. What valuable insights I have gained over the last 18 months. While there are still times that tears fall and I wish with all of my heart that Holden was here with us, I now know how blessed I am. I am a mom and I couldn't have asked for a better life. I think that sometimes the hard times make the good times that much sweeter. I know that Holden is watching down on his little brother and I still think back on what the minister said at the funeral..."If Heaven was full of only the elderly who would be there to bring the smiles and laughter to their faces."

Goodnight my brave little angel!